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On a recent vacation, we decided to simply look for a cruise that went somewhere we'd never been and that was cheap.

Like Obama checking his poll ratings, we checked the cruise sites daily.  And lo and behold, we found a Panama canal cruise that seemed too good to be true.  So your editor's wife booked it.  We figured if it was cheap, perhaps that meant the ship wasn't full and we hoped we'd be upgraded to larger cabin.

A week before, we received an email from Celebrity.  Apparently we were celebrities and we were upgraded.  Not only to a suite, but to the 3rd largest suite on the ship.  We were even going to have a butler.

Your editor had mixed feelings about this development.  He was nervous.  How does one act around a butler?  We have simple tastes and a simple lifestyle.  What would we have a butler do?

On the other hand, it occurred to your editor that at home, he serves in the role of butler.  It would be a welcome change for some other poor sap to fill that role.

Embarkation day arrived and we boarded a plane for San Diego.  A few hours later, after lugging bags through airports and ship terminals, we sat in our suite.

The fateful moment arrived:  Our butler, in a full tuxedo, complete with tails, opened the door and introduced himself as Robert.

Robert, from the Philipines, had done his homework.  "I see your from Texas" he started.

Then he looked me up and down slowly and strangely....."but you're not what I expected" he finished.

"What did you expect?"  I asked.

"Well, sir, no offense, but men from Texas are normally very large...and wear lots of orange with horns" 

[note - this is a republished "classique" from my old blog]